Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
