I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
