Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
