I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
