did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
