I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
