Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
