Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
