I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
