omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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