It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
