Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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