i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
