sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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