I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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