shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
