I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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