Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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