accomplished twins. life is a go
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
