I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
