I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
