DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
