Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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