i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
