i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
