I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
