ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
