I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
