You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just invented taco cereal.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
