i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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