Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
