you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
