Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Small penises have feelings too.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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