i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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