Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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