i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
