Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
