I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
