I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
