so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
