Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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