I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
