he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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