I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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