chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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