Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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