ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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