this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
