Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is Oprah even human
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
