Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish there were birth control emojis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
