Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
