I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
